Sans (standing lazily, holding a ladle):
“so… i figured i’d try cooking. how hard can it be, right?”

[He fills a pot with water and sets it on the stove.]

Papyrus (bursting in dramatically):
“SANS!! I, THE GREAT PAPYRUS, HAVE ARRIVED TO SUPERVISE YOUR CULINARY EFFORTS!”

Sans:
“cool. it’s just water.”

Papyrus:
“EXCELLENT! BOILING WATER IS THE FOUNDATION OF ALL GREAT SPAGHETTI!”

[Sans turns the stove on. A long pause.]

Sans:
“it’s… kinda sizzling.”

Papyrus:
“NONSENSE! WATER CANNOT BE DEFEATED!”

[Smoke starts rising from the pot.]

Sans:
“…uh.”

Papyrus:
“SANS. WHY IS THE WATER MAKING THAT SOUND.”

Sans:
“maybe it’s shy.”

[The pot suddenly sparks and catches fire.]

Papyrus:
“IMPOSSIBLE!! WATER IS SUPPOSED TO— WAIT, WHY IS IT ON FIRE?!”

Sans (deadpan):
“huh. guess i… burnt the water.”

[Beat of silence.]

Papyrus (horrified):
“THAT’S NOT EVEN HOW SCIENCE WORKS!!”

Sans:
“guess i’m just built different.”

[Fire alarm goes off. Papyrus panics, Sans casually leans on the counter.]

Papyrus:
“SANS!!! YOU HAVE OFFENDED THE LAWS OF REALITY ITSELF!!!”

Sans:
“yeah… happens more often than you’d think.”